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Beware of Becoming a Professional
Online Dater
By Joe Tracy, lead visioneer of the DateLists.com Online
Dating Directory[link "Online
Dating Directory" to
http://www.datelists.com]
Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their “perfect
match” through online dating services. And every year
hundreds of thousands more become discouraged from their
experiences. One of the contributing factors to those who
have problems with online dating is the emergence of the “professional
online dater”, a term coined by Online Dating Magazine
to describe a person who acts serious about finding someone,
but without the intention of taking any date or relationship “too
seriously” because the next match “may be better.”
A professional online dater usually possesses three or more
of the following habits:
> Communicating with more than six people at the same
time.
> Member of three or more online dating services at
the same time.
> Relists profile within 24 hours of a relationship
breakup.
> Lets several communications just “end” in
order to put time into new communications.
> Checks messages and dating services several times
a day.
> Always believes that the next match “may be better”.
> Several times a year will have more than one date,
with different people, set up in a week.
> At the first sign of trouble in a potential relationship,
lets things break off to return to online dating.
> May hide profile, but doesn’t delete it, when
steadily dating one person.
> When returning from a date, immediately checks mail
for new messages from others.
Generally, a person doesn’t consciously say “I
want to become a professional online dater” then pursue
it as a life goal. It is something that develops as a result
of the person’s online dating experiences. He/she sees
how “easy” it is to get a new date and is introduced
to new faces virtually daily. Before the person knows it,
he/she is communicating with half a dozen (or more) people
at the same time. When a date is arranged with one person
there are still six prospects waiting in the person’s
Inbox when he/she returns from the date. This, in turn, starts
to develop a subconscious mentality that the next person
may be “better,” therefore it is easier to leave
a relationship or dating experience at the first sign of
trouble rather than work through those problems.
A professional online dater will generally ‘hide’ a
profile versus deleting it when entering into an exclusive
dating relationship. Subconsciously, the person isn’t
truly giving his or her 100% to the relationship because
they have formulated an easy escape route back to the planet
of dates.
Professional online daters, without realizing it, are having
a negative effect on the people they come in contact with
during their expeditions. For example, a professional online
dater may be writing seven people at the same time, when
another new interesting prospect shows up. In turn, the professional
online dater allows communication with one (or more) of the
other seven people to suddenly stop, leaving that person
without answers and wondering, “where did he/she disappear
to?” The other problem professional online daters bring
to online dating is their lack of true commitment. They may
have three, four or even more relationships a year. The relationships
are generally short-lived and the professional online dater
has a new date lined up (with someone new he/she met online)
within several days of a breakup.
A person who possesses three or more traits of a professional
online dater may not want to admit that he/she is a professional
online dater, but doing so is the first step to solving the
problem. Other steps to solving the problem are:
> Completely delete your profile(s) when entering into
a relationship. There’s no looking back, only forward.
> Commit yourself to your relationship with a strong
determination to work through the problems. Working through
issues in a relationship is what helps people to grow.
Running away is not the solution.
> If you stop communicating with someone, don’t
do it cold turkey. At least send that person a polite note
so that he/she knows why. The person will respect you more
for this.
> Find one online dating service that you like and stick
with it. This isn’t a game to see how many new people
you can communicate with. Every person you communicate with
is a real person with real feelings. Don’t lead them
on.
> Only communicate with a small number of people at
a time.
> Don’t fall into the mentality of “the next
one might be better.” Instead, focus on the person
you are with and know that they are “the best”.
Then make it work.
Professional online daters unintentionally hurt many people
during the course of their “adventure”. But perhaps
what’s worse is that professional online daters hurt
themselves because they never learn to work through relationship
issues that produce long-term relationship success. Luckily,
with determination, professional online daters can change
and when they put the same intense focus on a relationship
(like they did with online dating) then the relationship
generally turns into an amazing and long-lasting experience.
And that produces another success story from two people who
met online.
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Joe Tracy is the lead visioneer of
the new DateLists.com Online Dating Directory[link "Online
Dating Directory" to http://www.datelists.com],
a directory and reference resrouce for online daters.
This article is copyright and may not be republished. Used
with permission.
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